Singleness

Have you ever noticed that most of our life’s from the moment that we are little kids we begin to dream of relationships.

The average little girl will daydream of the fantasy future wedding we want to have one day.

Although it is also beautiful to want a relationship, the direction we take with that will typically depend on our upbringing.

Now there are those who grow up in a household with both parents that provide a great example of something beautiful.

Others have both parents but they may present a toxic cycle.

Others grow up with single mothers and single fathers carrying the weight of two.

Some deal with parents who get divorced just when they begin to develop a sense of life.

I could go on forever, we all have different backgrounds. In turn we all may carry the same pain.

I always wondered where the emphasis on singleness was when were young.

I believe this is still an issue and it reflects on our generations.

Why is singleness important?

Relationships should be something beautiful to look forward too.

So is being alone.

Singleness is a season with indefinite time and no expiration date.

A time focused solely on you and the Lord.

Learning your likes and dislikes.

A time of pure innocence and hope for a future.

Many of us that grew in the world without proper knowledge were always taught that the end goal is to just have kids, get married and that’s it there are no others joys.

Now while that’s is part of the goal. To be single and spend time with yourself is just as important.

In fact I believe in order to have true successful relationships, we must date ourselves first.

Many people jump into relationships at a young age, commonly so also jumping from person to person.

This is so dangerous because when you have not built an identity prior to any relationship, those relationship will typically create an identity for you.

Leading you to feel miserable, no matter what never feeling quite satisfied.

The joy and pleasures may be for a moment, but it will never last.

We are all unique in our own special ways as God made it so.

The truth is until you know yourself you will never know what you really want.

Without identity we will base our desires on meaningless things such as the physical and materialistic.

Without identity you lose yourself into someone else, giving people full control over your life.

That is why many of us end up in toxic relationships, or with people who reject us and cannot commit.

The mistakes continues further when we jump into other relationships without healing and growing first.

In the beginning moving in lust all will be beautiful. Not long after either partner may do things that are a trigger to your past and so on begins a new toxic cycle.

Breaking the Cycle

I grew up in a broken home. From a very young age I was raised by a single mother.

I never had the opportunity to experience a healthy example of a relationship from adults around me.

Not having a stable consistent father really affected the way I chose and lead my relationships in my life.

I always yearned for a long lasting relationship and often fantasized about marriage.

I had lack of identity and knowledge of it all. Easily I fell into relationships simply focused on the meaningless things.

Being young and naïve I fell quick and hard before even really knowing a person.

I was very needy and although I didn’t know it then I was trying to fill the void of the missing love of my absent father.

I jumped into long relationships from a very young age and didn’t allow myself proper time to heal and grow.

Doing this only dragged along traumas into new situations.

I was completely living a broken cycle, and the truth is that I didn’t know how to stop.

As broken as I was it was all I knew.

Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

With so many toxic and failing relationships I didn’t know what else I could do.

Until Jesus saved me.

September 2020, God literally dragged me right out of the last relationship I was in.

That situation not only felt like my limit but it took a turn for the ugly.

With the little bit of self-worth and identity that I was carrying I held on to that tightly and knew that after those experiences I couldn’t return to that.

And immediately I clung on to God. And God clung on to me right back and has never let me go.

Singleness has been one of the hardest but best experiences of my life.

Because I never properly grew alone and built an identity on my own.

It was like God was completely rewriting my meaning of relationships with all people.

First I had to heal from the trauma and everything distorting my true Identity.

I learned the ugly things I carried because of unhealed wounds, like the unhealthy need for a relationship as if I couldn’t be alone for long.

Or the way I secluded myself from people at the sight of something that showed that their intentions weren’t pure.

Now while it’s important to be aware because you should not just be in relationship with every person.

Did you know that you can develop a trauma that causes you to reject even what God places there because of fear?

The beauty is that in any point of growth where there are clouds there is also sunshine.

For me sunshine was discovering how much I needed to be alone.

Feeling young again, discovering who I really am.

Learning to love every piece of me, even that parts that were broken.

While God restored the broken I gradually began to reap the healing.

It has been like taking a gasp of air for the first time.

Today I am still single, and looking forward to marriage in Gods time.

I no longer am placing a timeline to when things should happen.

I am simply allowing God to paint my lifeline as he chooses so.

Because I finally understand that the Love that I really was trying to find is His.

I feel complete in God’s Love, I am whole in simply depending on the one that knows me best for all my needs and desires.

You see we are not meant to depend on other people for our needs.

God is not only in control of our lives independently but also in our deepest relationships he will lead.

XOXO