The truth is many of us will go a lifetime never knowing our purpose.
Many will go a lifetime not loving who they are.
After all life isn’t always peaches and rainbows.
In fact often it’s filled with storms that taint our true identity.
By the grace of God I am still young and have a full life ahead of me.
However I have been through what many would call a lot of storms.
My childhood was far from traditional and I grew up in a broken home.
I experienced sexual abuse that stole my innocence and purity.
That all led to multiple toxic relationships in which I was trying to fill a void.
Out of that I had children out of wedlock.
All the while these experiences are dark ones, I allowed them to determine who I was.
My Storm
At young age my father left the picture not long after so did my mother, this all was confusing for me as a child.
The truth is I don’t remember much except the traumatic experiences.
At a young age I began to feel rejected.
For years I have felt so confused about who I really am.
I would look at myself in the mirror and not like what I saw.
Looking for different ways to get attention.
I lacked self-worth and identity.
I always felt so out of place anywhere I went, and I would do things to fit in.
I would allow myself to be in the unhealthiest relationships because I was so desperate to be loved and I would stay.
When I had my children it was rocky because I felt this immense amount of responsibility for these small humans.
I wanted so bad to be good for them, to be the example I never had.
However as much as I tried how could I be for them someone I wasn’t even to myself?
Through it all they have been my reason to overcome and to figure out who I was.
I didn’t want them to go through what I went through.
After my last relationship and one of the most toxic experiences that was finally it.
I reached rock bottom, and something had to change.
But God
In this precise time just when I felt all hope was gone, God took me in his arms and began to do a new thing in me.
He began to strip off of me all that was staining who he created me to be.
Beginning with filling the void in my heart that has always been a place for him not for another individual.
This began to show me how to disconnect the unhealthy need for other people above my creator.
More time went on and he began to heal me from trauma.
I had to face my darkest moments and learn to forgive.
Learn to forgive myself.
My most traumatic experiences were the sexual abuse and absence of my father.
That led me down a spiral of destruction.
God led me to confronting those very demons, fighting back and delivering me from the grips of the enemy.
It hurts so badly but the liberation was greater.
It is exactly through those experiences that God has brought me closer to him.
Showing me that he is my provider.
He alone will rescue me from evil.
PSALM 91
Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 This I declare about the LORD:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him.
3 For he will rescue you from every trap
and protect you from deadly disease.
4 He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
5 Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
nor the arrow that flies in the day.
6 Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
7 Though a thousand fall at your side,
though ten thousand are dying around you,
these evils will not touch you.
8 Just open your eyes,
and see how the wicked are punished.
9 If you make the LORD your refuge,
if you make the Most High your shelter,
10 no evil will conquer you;
no plague will come near your home.
11 For he will order his angels
to protect you wherever you go.
12 They will hold you up with their hands
so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.
13 You will trample upon lions and cobras;
you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!
14 The LORD says, “I will rescue those who love me.
I will protect those who trust in my name.
15 When they call on me, I will answer;
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue and honor them.
16 I will reward them with a long life
and give them my salvation.”
AMEN!
OVERCOMING
As he removed all the layers of sin and replaced it with sanctification, who I am became clearer and clearer.
I began to recognize how valuable and worthy I am.
We are not defined by our traumas, it is the way we overcome that defines who we are.
We focus so much on the negative and forget to focus on the good.
Like the way you came out of the storm, you prevailed, you stayed the course and even when giving up felt easier, you didn’t!
Or the way you forgive those who have made it their assignment to destroy you.
You remained loving and kind you didn’t allow your heart to change.
The way you have bounced back after a heartbreak.
What about the generational curse you are breaking by choosing to do things differently.
You see we are not defined by our failures or weaknesses.
We are defined by the way you came out of what should have taken you out.
PSALM 139
O LORD, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
3 You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
4 You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, LORD.
5 You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!
7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave,[a] you are there.
9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
17 How precious are your thoughts about me,[b] O God.
They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
19 O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!
20 They blaspheme you;
your enemies misuse your name.
21 O LORD, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
Who you are isn’t a mere coincidence, but a beautiful plan by your creator who loves you more than you can ever imagine.
Who you are stems from that, knowing that you are special, you are not a mistake.
You were created with purpose for a purpose.
God has worked so deeply on my heart, and he never stops showing me and telling me how special I am to him.
He consoles me in confirming that nothing I have ever went through was in vain, it all has a purpose for his perfect and wonderful plan.
The same goes for you to.
So I ask you, what storms have you faced in your life?
How did they affect you and how did you overcome?
For me I was born into a broken home, I was sexually abused as a child, lost my innocence, I have been through multiple toxic relationships involving domestic violence.
They affected me in a huge way.
I used to think that because of that I was unworthy.
I felt unlovable, rejected, confused, lost and hopeless.
But then God stepped in with his mighty hand over my life.
And only by his grace I overcame.
God led my steps and he fought the battles for me.
He healed my heart of all the pain and trauma.
I came out Victorious, Living in purpose, a warrior, stronger than ever before.
But most importantly in relationship with the one who I have always been meant to be with, my Abba father, Emmanuel God with us, Elohim the creator, Alpha and Omega the Beginning and end.
He who is worthy to be praised for it is His glorious majesty that overcomes even the darkest strongest storm.
Only he can lead you to discover your true identity.
XOXO
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Thank you, I am so glad you enjoyed this blog!!